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1. Children Are Capable of More Than You Realize
Our son has been riding a bike without training wheels since he was 3 years old. His sister was 2 months aways from her 3rd birthday when you she rode without training wheels. My son started vacuuming his room when he was 6 years old. The youngest has been making her bed everyday since she was 4 years old she is 6 years old now. Why am I telling you all this ? Am I bragging ? Yes, I am bragging a bit. But I am also trying to make a point. Stop being afraid let your kids jump off the diving board, ride their bikes, give them things they have go outside of their comfort zone to do. They can do it. A wide variety of experiences gives our kids a wide depth of things to draw on as they get older.
2. Teach Children The Importance of Good Choices
One of my children had a teacher that said “Be a problem solver not a problem starter.” You know what? She is absolutely right. In the beginning I was vastly annoyed with this woman trying to do what I felt amounted to parenting my child. Children need to feel some sense of control in their environment. Successful people know how to manage their life choices. Start, early have them choose where they want to do things like homework or what snack they want. Option 1 or Option 2 really really works well in our house. You want them to make good decisions but not overwhelm them either.
3. A Done Something Is Better Than Nothing
I have a perfectionist child and a nuclear level meltdown child in my house. Chores, homework even simple things like making the bed caused breakdowns for my kids. The kiddos tend to feel if they cannot do it right it isn’t worth doing . Work with kids to explain to them a doing nothing is worse then quitting if it can’t be perfect. If they still do not want to do whatever the “difficult” task is walk away and come back to it. Taking their focus off of it and brining them back to it will help. Praise them for doing the work and not giving up when they complete the task.
4. Kids Need Clearly Laid Out Rules and Expectations
Rules, structure and clearly laid out expectations about what we want from our son and daughter have saved us many a heartache or screaming melt down. We have a a set of rules we started going over by the time they could talk. The basics like:
- No running in the house
- Keep your hands and feet to yourself
- If you can’t solve the problem on your own come to Mom and Dad
As they have gotten older we’ve added things like:
- 30 minutes of screen time only
- Clean up your room
- Make up your bed
- Pack your backback for school
You get the idea. The kids knowing the rules and what we expect from them has cut down on all kinds of drama. Why? Because the rules and expectations are like a security blanket for children. They like knowing in a concrete way how their worlds operate.
5. It IS OKAY To Say NO
They might not be used to hearing the No from your lips but they will adjust. Hold on strong and do not waiver people. Life is not fair and the kids are never ever going to get everything they want. The sooner they learn that the better and more well adjusted adults they will be. No is empowering. You do not have to let them overdose on screens or junk food over the summer for example. They are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves in a way that doesn’t cause property damage or arrest records and will not have child services knocking on your door. Food can be not full of artificial dyes and natural flavors and still taste good. They DO NOT NEED everything they think they need. Remember you are the BOSS!
6. When They Have a Tantrum WALK AWAY
If your child screams at you throws themselves on the floor blubbers when they do not get their way LEAVE the room. Tell them you love them and you will talk with them when they calm down. DO NOT under any circumstances stay in that room. WALK the heck out. It’s hard I know trust me I do my people I have been there on the other side of the door wanting to walk back in there and comfort my babies. Guess what ? You are not helping them if you cave but on your big girl panties and deal suck it up buttercup man up. You wear the pants in this parent child relationship and that’s the way it is supposed to be.
7. Do Not Play The Wait Till Your Father Comes Home Card
I was a childless newly married lady and at a work party for the hubby. A female coworker of my husband had her children at the party. Her son misbehaved and I heard her say “Wait till your Father comes home and hears what you just did.” Okay…that was just bad I thought. I didn’t see how a kid no more than 5 would make the connection to his Father punishing him when Daddy wouldn’t be home for about 5 more hours. Throwing the other parent under the bus and making the bad guy is harsh enough. Seriously though how is the kid supposed to draw the lines between what he did 5 or 6 hours ago and what his Dad is saying to him now ? News Flash they can not make that connection so the whole lecture, punishment or what ever disciplinary action you take is lost on them.
8. You Are The Parent It Is Your Responsibility To Teach Them How to Behave.
Children are sponges they soak up and absorb everything they see us do. They assume because you are the Mom or Dad you are always doing the right thing. So, if you use curse words or yell at people for example they will think its appropriate behavior. Bummer huh? You have to be a good human so your children will learn to be good people too. Kids learn by example give them the right example. Do no expect someone else to put in the hard work for you. Do your job take care of those kiddos.
9. You Are The Final Word
Do not waddle do not flip flop do not cave. Make a decision and hold yourself and your kids to it. They cannot whine and get their way. YOU ARE THE BOSS and please dont’ forget it.
10. Parents Must Present A United Front
I played a game growing up with my parents and I bet you did it also. I played my parents against each other. “Mom can I do this?” then she said “Go, ask your Dad ” . Which I did and probably caused a myriad of problems behind the scenes I was completely unaware of . You and your spouse must always present a united front with your tiny people. DO NOT argue in front of them. I know it’s hard even I don’t always succeed in doing this one.
Biggest Parenting Drama
What is your biggest parenting drama in your house? How do you solve it? Remember caring is sharing. Please forward this post to someone if you think it could help them out . We parents have to stick together. Still having a hard time getting ready in the Morning with the kids ? Read My Drama Free Morning Routine here. Need help easing meal planning drama check these post here and here and here .